Apples on Pomegranate Trees
by Wolf Maid
Summary: OMG random. Penny/Sheldon. Interpreting Sheldon’s actions according to his own eccentricities as well as social protocols. One-shot.


OMG random. Penny/Sheldon. Interpreting Sheldon's actions according to his own eccentricities as well as social protocols. One-shot.

Yeah no idea where this came from. Curse you Wikipedia!

And yes, I put a terrible pun in here, my apologies.

…X…

**…Apples on Pomegranate Trees…**

./.

**Morgan's Canon**: _In no case is an animal activity to be interpreted in terms of higher psychological processes, if it can be fairly interpreted in terms of processes which stand lower in the scale of psychological evolution and development._ (Morgan 1903, p. 59)

./.

Leonard remembers linking from one Wikipedia article to another _and god that's a way to waste an afternoon_ and stumbling across Morgan's Canon. _Why he was reading about animal psychology he doesn't remember and really would rather prefer not to consider._

However, he remembers the Law itself quite well, and the timing of Sheldon returning home _like clock-work_ (and loudly, mind you, lots of slamming doors and drawers and now that he thinks about it he had the worst headache which might explain the odd choice of reading), and in one of those almost frightening epiphanies, he realized that Morgan's Canon was really only one infinitesimal step away from—from what? Sheldon's Canon?

Ha…Sheldon's "Cannon". Because really the crux of the matter was…

"_In no case should a Sheldon activity be interpreted in terms of normal social protocol, if it can fairly be interpreted as one of Sheldon's many eccentricities which stand completely separate on the scale of psychological evolution and development." _

This was what—three? Four years ago? And yet it's become a Law of its own amongst their group, without Sheldon knowing, or with Sheldon knowing but withholding comment. (So without Sheldon knowing, then.)

Penny arrives in their midst at last, upsetting balances and schedules and routines that Sheldon lives by, and the boys are thrown at first into chaos and drooling and the hormonal changes they still haven't quite adjusted to these long years since puberty.

Except for Sheldon. Sheldon needs his seat and his glass and his plate and his time-slots and his schedules and what's a blonde bombshell to distract or detract from his routines and everyday functions?

He incorporates her.

Not willingly.

And Leonard and Penny have their will-they, won't-they fiasco, and Howard inappropriately and shamelessly flirts and drools and comes-on to her, and Raj is almost able to talk to her sober, and Sheldon sits, a rock in the storm, His Seat in the maelstrom of the living room. They move around him. He remains steady.

Except.

Except Leonard, long after he's accepted that Penny and he will remain firmly "won't-they" and is now enjoying the company of a lady-friend that doesn't still sit in Sheldon's seat for the sole purpose of pissing him off, is remembering something that he discovered such a long while ago.

Sheldon's behavior cannot be defined within normal social parameters _unless it stands separate of his eccentricities._

Sheldon's Canon.

_What _is_ his deal?_

…**X…**

"Penny…Penny… Sheldon says, as he knocks on the door across the hall, as Leonard stares rather creepily through their peephole at him.

**1. Sheldon desires Penny's companionship.**

_Eccentricity or normal social response? Sheldon values Penny's input as his only female friend. Sheldon, until this point, has seemed incapable of retaining a female friend. Sheldon, until this point, has not seemed to attempt to retain a female friend. _

_Except, Sheldon has made efforts to retain Penny's friendship._

_Therefore, Sheldon likes being friends with Penny._

Penny yanks the door open before Sheldon can finish his knock. "Yes?" she asks. Sheldon blinks, trying to suppress the urge to complete his ritual. He knocks on the wall next to her door and murmurs "Penny," and she tries not to smirk.

**2. Does Sheldon know that Penny screws with him on purpose? Does he care?**

_Sheldon, as far as Leonard knows, basically fails when it comes to social interactions. But Penny's been in their little circle long enough for even Sheldon to see that she sits in his seat and steals his glass and otherwise unbalances his life because…well. Perhaps it's her own way of retaining Sheldon's friendship._

_Perhaps it's her way of retaining his attention._

_Perhaps Sheldon keeps reacting and returning because it's his own way of reciprocating._

"You informed me that if I were to watch the new Doctor Who special without you, you would make my life a living hell. As I inferred that you were threatening to inform my mother of my actions, I thought it best to see when you were available to watch it with me."

Penny just smiles, and Sheldon appears to be smirking slightly, and Leonard, really, spying on people, no matter how fascinating their ritualistic mating techniques may be, is just kind of wrong.

**3. Is Sheldon flirting with her? No, Sheldon doesn't flirt. Is Penny flirting with him? She just likes Dr. Who. Probably.**

_Sheldon smirks a remarkable amount when she's around. They're spending an inordinate amount of time together. But still._

"But what if he _can't_ fix it?" Penny yelps, from where she's curled up on the couch, watching the show from between her splayed fingers. Sheldon just smiles indulgently. And doesn't go into long, drawn-out scientific explanations. Leonard is creepily watching them from the hallway, hoping they don't notice as he has absolutely no reasonable explanation for his actions.

**4. Sheldon lets Penny hold on to him when she's scared.**

_That about says it all. Leonard's got a pretty good idea what Sheldon's "deal" is._

Penny's phone rings. She checks the Caller ID, swears underneath her breath, and pushes 'ignore.' Sheldon watches silently.

It happens again and Sheldon frowns.

It happens again, and Sheldon raises an eyebrow. "Peter?" he asks, referring to Penny's ex. As in, ex-now-turned-stalker. She nods miserably.

Penny's phone rings, Sheldon snatches it out of her fingers and answers it.

"Hello? This is Sheldon. I prefer the term genius, thank you, but yes, I am Penny's neighbor. No, she is unavailable. No, I shall not inform her that you called. Yes, I am being deliberately unhelpful. If you think threats of that nature will frighten me into giving in to your demands, you are incorrect. You will not speak of Penny in that manner. I will be here when you feel you are ready to uphold your claims."

**5. Sheldon ends up getting a black eye. For Penny. For Penny's honor, specifically.**

_Leonard finds this adorably romantic. And no, he's never watched Pride and Prejudice and cried. He hasn't even sniffled. And Penny icing Sheldon's black eye is not at all Kodak-worthy. Really._

Sheldon has his eccentricities, which is why it took Leonard so long to realize the flirtation that's been developing between his two friends.

You don't look for apples on a pomegranate tree.

But Sheldon is still Sheldon, and he likes things ordered and stable. And Penny is still Penny, and likes things chaotic and unpredictable.

So Sheldon has planned the details of his courtship in his own way, perhaps without even his realization. The slow steady spiral from friendship into something more. And because Sheldon is just Sheldon, so often outside of social parameters, he gets away with it.

…**X…**

"The Doctor shouldn't have led Martha on the way he did," Penny sighs in irritation. "Not if he was just going to stay all caught up in…Rose," she says, except there's hesitation in the word, as if she meant something besides Rose, something like _work_ or _science_.

Sheldon nods slowly. "There were certain…social expectations placed upon him, and he did not live up to them," he offers gently. Penny frowns.

"If he didn't want to live up to them…"

"I think he did," Sheldon says. "Just things like…memories of Rose…confused his ability to act according to social protocol."

"I don't think Martha really cares about social protocol," Penny says. Leonard looks between the two of them and then slowly escapes.

Sheldon watches him go and then turns back to Penny, eyes thoughtful. "I see," he says, eyes with a sort of faraway look in them, and then he zeroes in on Penny as if she were the only thing that existed in the universe. "Social protocol be damned," he says, that little smirk playing in his lips, and her eyes widen as his so-rare swearing and then all thought is gone because he leans over and kisses her with far more passion than she'd ever expect.

**6. Anything that Sheldon cares about, he is liable to master.**

_Sheldon, after all, _is_ a genius. And what he cares about is….becoming rapidly apparent._

**7. No one is allowed in Sheldon's room. Except. _Except except except._**

Penny stays and eats breakfast with Leonard, while his lady-friend and Sheldon are both still asleep in their respective bedrooms. Penny looks quite satisfied with certain events, which Leonard is surprisingly happy about.

Leonard considers informing Penny of Sheldon's Canon, just to help her with any future issues, but then he stops himself with an entirely unsuitable smirk. _Penny probably already has a working knowledge of Sheldon's…"Canon."_

_Time to update that Wikipedia article._

…_X…_

_Q.E.D._

AN: Yes, this is completely random. Sorry bout that, I just kinda got carried away! Still, hope you were amused. ~Wolfie


End file.
